IN GOOD HUMOR

"Why is it when we talk to God, we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic?"

-Lily Tomlin

Joe slipped off a tall cliff. He grabbed a branch a few feet down. After a few minutes hanging there, he was exhausted and unable to pull himself up. He looked up to the heavens and called out, "God, help me, please, help me." Suddenly the clouds parted and a deep voice commanded, "Let go!" Joe pondered this for a moment, looked up at heaven once more and said, "Is there anyone else up there?"

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The scene: children lined up in a Catholic elementary school lunch cafeteria. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun had made a note and posted it on the apple tray, "Take only ONE. God is watching."Further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

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Bumper Stickers... Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. My karma ran over my dogma. Never drive faster than your angel can fly. Out of body - will be back in 15 minutes.

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Dog Letters to God: Dear God, How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are their priorities? ... Dear God, If we come back as humans, does that mean we were good dogs or bad dogs? ... Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize to them?