Monday, November 22, 2010


An idea dawned on me as I watched this video, that I hadn't though of before in quite the same way.
Before this April when this stage of happiness begun ( I wish I had a better name for it ) I was spiritual and in a state of awakeness - but I had problems, all life troubles and stress and anxiety from time to time. It seemed it went in cycles of three months of happiness, three months of sadness, and so on and so on...
Now what changed in April 2010? What was the catalyst for the change?

I came across Eckhart Tolle's Findhorn Retreat DVD.
After reading my blog entry I recommend you watch these two:
Part 1 of Findhorn Retreat HERE.
Part 2 of Findhorn Retreat HERE.
It was like gentle knock in the head - the slapped in the back of your head kind of "Duh!".
And I got it.

I got it.

It was the power of Now. This here, right now. Now.
I realized suddenly without reading any of his books that everything wrong in my so called life was because I kept wondering into the Past ( oh no what have I done, they will hate me, they will think badly of me, I feel so embarrassed, I can't believe they still kill people, I cannot believe they destroyed that, I'm mortified by that betrayal - you know all those feelings ) and into the Future ( oh shit I have meeting tomorrow, oh shit I have to pay this bill I haven't got money for in two day, oh shoot I can't find my red sweater for tomorrow, I have to meet someone downtown, I don't want to watch the news, I don't want to go to work, I don't want to go to dentist tomorrow, I have to see him/her later, someone could be mad at me now, I could be mad at someone if they happen to do this or that - that sort of things ) for my chance at unhappiness.

I was seriously looking for trouble, everyday.

I was spiritual, I meditated, I was "green", I was vegetarian, I was conscious, I was reading channelings, I was sort of an activist BUT despite all my good intentions I was stuck in the Past and Future for my unhappiness fix.
Photo by Pat Goltz
Change came, the Now came - and like turning on the lights, the darkness was suddenly gone. I knew there had been darkness, and I could still see it far away from me at the edges of my bright light, but it wasn't with me anymore. I was not sad, I was not depressed, I was not worried. Everything made me smile because I got it - what is wrong in right Now? Nothing. Right now with everything going on around me, there is nothing wrong with me or in me. I am smiling, happy, calm, spiritual - even at the most uncomfortable moment ( if I would allow them to be ) I kept smiling, because I had got it, I am strong within me, I am strong in my own self, no one else can make dents in my armour, because I have let go of my armour, there is nothing to dent. It is just me, the essence of me showing constantly always lit with a bright light.

What this next video made me aware of was that the source of my unhappiness was the Post-Modern Level of Consciousness - as great as it is in our process of awaking it is still a place with Pain and Fear.
Now I have been aware of Integral for few months sense the Free Beyond Awakening Teleseminar begun and they had Ken Wilber as quest speaker, explaining these Levels of Consciousness - but before this next video no one had called the integral level, The Level of Now.
This is where it hit me. My leap in April 2010 had been a leap to The Level of Now from Post-Modern Consciousness.
It made perfect sense and I now finally have a name and place for my Transition. ( Not that that should matter, and it doesn't but it helps me to write this blog so yay for that! )

Love, Light and Joy!


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