Of course the apartment looks better, except for the bedroom that could easily make me cry - but I've noticed it doesn't help to cry, crying induces this state of negativity I blame myself, which really isn't what I want to do. So I let go. On a bigger scale few stripes are nothing when I recall I have four walls there that fulfil their purpose to shelter me and keep me warm, sure due to my own use of acrylic masse the walls aren't exactly pretty, but being an amateur and having no help, what can you expect. I was feeling this deep sense of oh buggers after second coat of paint and kept feeding that fear and hurt machine until it made me cry. But somewhere this morning I let go, something just slightly shifter after accepting this is last night. The walls didn't change, I did. There might come a day when I choose to fix the walls with my dad's help and try begging another 9 litres of paint from my housing company - but until then it has stopped effecting me.
It's like this was a huge big test, the world stating all right we'll give you this but we'll have to test you stress release skills. Renovating with my husband, an Aries, was a bonus test - and I learned the talent of being silent when people are upset instead of feeding it or being a mirror for it.
As me and the roller didn't get along on one wall, the end result was patchy, and it took me few days to forgive myself. It isn't about physical damage our lives, but spiritual wholeness. Everything can be fixed when the mind is at ease, not everything is done in one day. Rome wasn't built in a day.
But now that it is done... it's done, my home will be like this for now, while I charge my batteries after running them near empty with renovation and work. I truly love my shelter as a presentation of the Universal Love, I love the walls, I love the paint, the filler, the trims, the furniture, the color - even in the bedroom.
Pretty good sum for three weeks... Learning to not mirror negativity, learning to accept physical damage without taking it personally and learning how to strip wallpaper the easiest way.
Love, Light and Joy!