SPRING BREAK IS OVER

It seems I have been gone for a good month & a half, not on purpose... March is when sun starts to shine a lot more in Finland ( has to do with tilt of the earth ) and I almost always have the same reaction to it which is I get tired ( very odd, it's suppose to be backwards ) and it takes me a while to yawn my way to latest to May to cheer up. ( seriously yawning even as we speak )

Now what has been going on while I was gone, I've been going to work every work day and watched spring come to life with the kids. I got tired to my hair being in Winter shape and cut myself a fringe/bangs. ;)

 
Went to see "Wicked" with my sister who turned 14, had my husband's 39th Birthday where I got him a PS3, discovered that part of my March Blues were probably due to the fact I stopped exercising during the winter so picked that up again just lately, and it has helped as I am here! in my blog again! Also returned to Sparkpeople.com a free and the sanest workout and diet site on the web ( if you are there, you can find me as SlimmerMe82 - 4,776 fitness minutes so far! ).

Last post I made was about my hair, and about coloring it. It's driving me mad! Mad! Right now it's the color that makes it look always dirty, my natural hair color is lighter than the package brand I've bought so what happens is the roots do look 'dirty' if I don't wash my hair daily - and even wind will cause problems - but I will ride this out, I'm strong - and also I Am Not My Body, that bit always helps when a nasty little though "people must think I'm a slob" crosses my mind. It's still hard for my ego to come to craps with the idea that people don't really think of me that Much, you know! ;D

Also there are bad news from the past month as well, my husband's brother's grand kids, two adorable little girls were killed in a car crash, their parents were very badly injured. There is no pain like children dying. Them living in america and seeing them only few times didn't make it easier.

But now I'm enjoying finding my happy, energetic Niina again - with the help of eating prober food again, exercising and visiting my blog. Bring on the Spring! I want green grass and warm weather. :)

Love, Light and Joy!

Niina

P.S: Check out the third to last Teleseminar episode March 20th, 2011: Michael Dowd – “Big Integrity: Deep-Time Eyes and a Global Heart” HERE for a truly wonderful view on Knowledge and Science being an Island in an Ocean that is Mystery - and there is no harm to making the Island bigger it will always be surrounded my Mystery. ( at 29:00 in the teleseminar )
Another gem in the Beyond Awakening Series - and it's still Free, always will be.

DEATH AND UNCERTAINTIES

I can't help but to think of death at the moment, at least momentarily at some intervals. The reason is my uncle was found unconscious yesterday and rushed to the hospital where he was still unconscious and had to be put on life support. I got a call from my aunt who was trying to get in contact with my dad, and ever since that call I've been feeling slightly out of place. First thing I did after the call was send Reiki and the Archangel of healing Raphael to him and Archangel Gabriel and his Angels of Peace to his family, feeling their presence myself.

Not knowing if someone is going to die is very different from the day to day life where you know how fragile life is and how easy it is to die just crossing the street.
Which is probably why I dreamt of death all night. I dreamt the Queen had died in London, her funeral cart pulled across the streets followed by thousands turned into Michael Jackson's casket, pulled by three horses which rains I held, when we reached the park my husband and I walked the through it to the crowd of people, of which one tried to stab me and kill me four times.

I know what death is, and I know what it is not.
It's continuation, not the end.
But I also know what it is to people who are still here, alive. It's a point in our life when we consider death and all the uncertainties that come with it, there is many what ifs and hows.
I personally thought what it would be like to loose a father, even if we aren't as close as say my mother, I thought what would it be like if I lost a sibling, a sister or a brother.
Knowing that after death is divine and blissful before rotation to Earth again, and that they are on the other side of a veil that we all cross to forget "heaven", and life - or I should say existence - there is much better than here. But there is still us humans down here rooted to the Earth and it's experiences, rooted to feel, rooted to learn.

I lost my grandmother last year, and as sad and emotional as it was, it was also something that brought me closer to my father, and when I think of her these days when I wear the heart necklace she gave me I feel her spirit, her joy and as happy as that is it is still sad I cannot touch her, as much as I can feel her around and feel her happiness I can't touch her which is such a human thing to do - to touch - I feel disconnected from her. As connected as I am to her even now.

To me death has never been about the loss of people, I can have connection to people that have been close but my body feels the loss, if that makes any sense. Unable to hug, hold hands, feel the physical presence of them is a loss I do feel in the body level - even when I know better. But perhaps such ultimately physical experience is something of a constant on this Earth.

Death, much harder for us who are left behind, no matter how wise we are on the passing on of souls, one way or another there is always loss.

Love, Light and Joy

Niina

POEM OF LIFE AND DEATH BY RUMI

Dying Heart by NiinaC

"I died as a mineral and became a plant,
I died as plant and rose to animal,
I died as animal and I was Man.
Why should I fear? When was I less by dying?
Yet once more I shall die as Man, to soar
With angels bless'd; but even from angelhood
I must pass on: all except God doth perish.
When I have sacrificed my angel-soul,
I shall become what no mind e'er conceived.
Oh, let me not exist! for Non-existence
Proclaims in organ tones,
To Him we shall return."
~ Rumi

IT'S BEEN TOO LONG

It's really been too long since my last post, so here I am.
I haven't seriously been here since last x-mas, even though there are few posts this year.

Why the break? Well, I guess I've been happy. Really. :) I seem to so call nest when I'm happy. But let's look back...
I wrote a 50 000 word novel in November - which I haven't edited yet.
I went back to my healthy eating plan and exersice - until back and flu interrupted.
Summer was great I visited Porvoo and Kuhmo - this also led to the many uploads to my FLICKR.
I recently got back my photo-bug and now I'm photoshopping away after snapping pictures.


Here's "Smiling Tea" From flickr.com/niinac

Something very sad happened too, my grandmother passed away - it was during surgery so the death wasn't painful, which I'm very happy about - what I'm not happy about it that my father informed me a day later instead of the same day, I could have tried to make the passege as easy as possible for her.
The funeral was filled with tears, ofcourse I'm sad to lose a HUGE part of my childhood memories and their occupant but then again, we all die. Tao states: The third treasure is humility, to know that you have come from nothing and that you return to nothing. It's soothing, and eases the pain - why should I not be happy and proud of the soul journey she did, I'm sure she's happier now, wiser and at ease.

With this said, I gave you the main points of my year - the rest of it was work at the kindergarden and daily life with down and lows AND tons and tons of books - Kaari Utrio - J.D.Robb - Lincoln Child - Charlaine Harris and some Twilight.

Much love to you all!